


All Things Considered

by Ultra



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awkward Conversations, Conversations, Episode: s06e08 Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Friendship/Love, Hugs, It's Hard and Nobody Understands, Kissing, Love, Moving On, Mutual Pining, Philadelphia, Running Away, Season/Series 06, Sex, Starting Over, Understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2020-09-19 08:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20328013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultra/pseuds/Ultra
Summary: “Why don’t you just go off with John, Jack, whatever his name is?”Rory opened her mouth to tell Logan that was never her plan, but the words wouldn’t come. Meeting his wild eyes, she stood her ground and called his bluff.“You know, what, Logan? That is the first intelligent thing you’ve said tonight.”





	1. Chapter 1

Sitting there, listening to Logan rag on Jess, hearing him put down her friend when he had achieved so much, it irked her, but the truth hadn’t quite hit yet. Rory was just frustrated, awkward, annoyed, first with one of them and then with the other. She really wished Jess hadn’t resorted to name-calling, but honestly, she couldn’t say he was wrong about Logan.

When they got outside and the tables were turned, Jess laying in Logan’s character instead, it was tougher to argue. Rory could bat away Logan’s unseemly accusations about her past with Jess, be mad at him for belittling her friend’s writing, but this was different. She had to admit that Jess was right, that Logan was acting like a jerk. She knew what Jess meant when he warned that Logan ‘better not come out here,’ but even then, it didn’t hit her, not entirely, not like in the moments that followed when Jess started to ask her what happened.

What _had_ happened? All the questions he bombarded her with about dating a guy like Logan, living with her grandparents, dropping out of Yale. They landed as direct hits in the centre of Rory’s mind and heart as he stared her down, those familiar dark eyes boring into her very soul just as they always had, and yet he didn’t see her any more.

As he repeatedly asked her what was going on and she repeatedly gave the same answer of ‘I don’t know’ _that_ was when it hit her, square between the eyes. She really didn’t know. Rory Gilmore was at a loss when it came to knowing what her life had become, how she got to this place, who this person was that seemed to have taken over her life. Jess was right, it wasn’t her.

Watching him walk away, she had no argument to give, no explanation. The only words in her mind were those that would call him back to her, even though she was unsure why she was so desperate for him not to leave. Jess sticking around wouldn’t fix anything, but things did need to be fixed. Rory had never been more sure of that.

It came out in a torrent of rambling exasperation and bile when she faced Logan again. He took her words personally, even though she hadn’t entirely meant them that way. After a while, as she got more riled up and he did the same, she meant to wound him, to blame him, to make it as much his fault as hers, even if it wasn’t true. She wasn’t really sure whether it was or not anymore.

“Why don’t you just go off with John, Jack, whatever his name is?”

She opened her mouth to tell Logan that was never her plan, but the words wouldn’t come. Meeting his wild eyes, she stood her ground and called his bluff.

“You know, what, Logan? That is the first intelligent thing you’ve said tonight.”

He yelled after her as she swept out of the bar. Rory didn’t listen, didn’t turn back, blocked him out so she barely even heard him. She ran down to the open gates and out onto the street, checking left and right for Jess, sure she must be too late. She took it as a sign, maybe even a miracle, that he was still there, leaning on his car, smoking a cigarette.

“Jess!” she called to him, rushing to his side.

He had crushed the spent cigarette under his heel before she even got there.

“Rory?” he checked, clearly confused by her presence.

“Are you heading back tonight? To Philadelphia, I mean?”

“Nothing else to stick around here for,” he said, shaking his head. “Why?”

“Because...” she said, pausing a moment to look back the way she had come, knowing almost immediately this was the right choice. “I was hoping you might take me with you.”

“Rory...”

“Please, Jess, before you say no, hear me out,” she urged him when he seemed unsure. “You were right about my life being all wrong, about me not being myself anymore. You’re so right and I think I knew it all along, I just couldn’t admit it. I needed somebody to tell me the way you just did and now... now, I know,” she said definitely meeting his eyes. “I’m not asking for much. After what happened the last time, the way things were with us, I probably shouldn’t ask for anything, but I have to. I need a place to go, away from here, away from my grandparents and my mom and...”

“And your boyfriend?” asked Jess, spitting out the final word like it left a bitter taste.

“_Ex_-boyfriend,” Rory corrected. “More or less anyway. I don’t know exactly where me and Logan stand right now, but it’s no place good,” she insisted. “I just need out of here. I guess I need a friend, but I do understand if you don’t want to be my escape route-”

“Okay,” said Jess, stunning her to silence and smirking when he realised what he had achieved. “You want to come back to Philly with me for a while, I’ll take you there,” he said shrugging his shoulders.

A huge relieved sigh of air escaped Rory’s body all in a rush.

“Thank you,” she breathed. “Jess, really, thank you,” she insisted, her hand briefly on his arm.

He nodded his head in acknowledgement. “Better get in the car before people come looking for you,” he said then, eyes drifting to the gates of the Rich Man’s Shoe a little way down the street.

Rory knew exactly what he meant and wasted no time in diving into the passenger seat. After a few seconds, Jess joined her, looking a little torn yet.

“What?” she asked nervously, afraid he had already come to regret saying he would take her home with him - and didn’t that just sound so much more intimate than she meant for it to!

“Nothing.” Jess shook his head slightly and fastened his seatbelt, glancing at Rory in a way that told her she should do the same. “Just took me a minute to remember I moved past my phase of wanting to punch your other boyfriends,” he said then, eyes entirely on the road as he pulled the car away from the kerb.

Rory couldn’t help but smile but tried to cover it with her hand. She kind of loved that Jess would be willing to punch Logan if she wanted him to. She definitely loved that in a moment of terrible, existential crisis, Jess could still make her feel like smiling.

“You know we have to go back to the house first, right?” she checked then as they reached the intersection. “I need clothes and stuff.”

“Sure, no problem,” Jess agreed, taking a left instead of a right and heading for the Gilmore mansion.

They didn’t talk much on the way there. Honestly, beyond a million thank yous and a couple of sizeable apologies, Rory had no idea what she really wanted to say. Her mind was whirring a mile a minute, and at least six times she wondered if she was making the right choice here. She ran from her mom’s house to her grandparent’s place. She ran out on her friends and Luke and Yale, everything and everybody that was supposed to matter to her. Now she was running again, away from Logan, away from this sucky life that she barely even recognised as her own.

“Rory?”

Jess’ voice shot her back to reality in a second. Rory looked up and saw they were in the driveway of her grandparents’ house. Her eyes scanned the outside of the building and she knew she was making the right choice. This wasn’t home. Nothing in her life was the way it should be right now. She needed distance and perspective if she was ever going to succeed in making it right.

“Five minutes,” she told Jess, diving from the car and rushing to the front door.

Inside, she moved quickly and quietly to her bedroom. Grabbing up an overnight bag, she threw in a couple of changes of clothes, toiletries, underwear, all the essentials, adding in her copy of Jess’ book that lay on her bed, only half-read as yet. True to her word, she was back out on the driveway in the five minutes she promised.

“Wow, look at you go, Flo Jo.” Jess smirked.

He took Rory’s bag from her hands as she settled in her seat, pushing it into the backseat out of the way. Rory was buckled up ready to go in a second and Jess drove them out through the gates onto the road again.

They were headed down the main road towards the ‘You are now leaving Hartford’ sign before Jess spoke again.

“Last chance, Rory,” he said, eyes fixed on the windshield even as he continued speaking to her. “You sure about this?”

“No,” she said honestly, unsurprised when that finally got his attention, if only for a second or two. “Honestly, I’m not sure of anything right now,” she admitted, “but please, let’s just go, Jess. For the sake of my sanity, please get me out of here.”

“As you wish.” Jess nodded once, putting his foot down a little harder on the gas so they flew past the sign and left Hartford far behind.


	2. Chapter 2

Jess Mariano was pretty sure he was losing his mind. Of course, he remembered very suddenly that in fact the loss of his mind had occurred long ago, the day he first met and fell for Rory Gilmore. Somehow, where she was concerned, he just kept on doing the stupidest thing, the dumbest thing, the thing that was going to land him, her, and probably everybody else in the biggest trouble. Still, even knowing that was how it always worked, he kept on going back for more, kept on doing those shockingly stupid things.

Bringing Rory to Philadelphia ranked pretty high on the list of dumb ideas he had, not that it really was his idea at all, but Jess was fast enough to agree when Rory asked. Sure, he gave it a moment’s thought. It was the moment right next to the one where he seriously considered punching the blond dick from Yale right in the face. Somehow bringing Rory home with him had seemed smarter than physical violence on Logan Huntzberger, which either proved that Jess had evolved somehow, or that the world was completely off its axis. Hours later, he still wasn’t sure which one was true.

Two in the morning, maybe an hour since they got in and Jess had brought Rory’s bag to his room, offering up his bed without a thought. 

“Where will you sleep?” she had asked awkwardly.

“Floor’s fine,” he quickly assured her. “Not like I never did it before,” he added with a forced smile, deliberately turning his back while she got changed and slipped into bed.

_His bed._

Jess ought to have known there was no way in hell he was getting any sleep. It wasn’t because the floor was hard against his back or because there was a draught coming in under the door that was trying to cut him in half, even though he was practically fully dressed. Rory Gilmore was finally in his bed and he wasn’t in there with her. There was an awful irony to it that wasn’t lost on Jess, and a sense of inevitability that would’ve been funny if it wasn’t so painful.

“Jess?”

At first, he thought he imagined her whispering to him in the dark, but then she said his name again and he turned to look.

“What is it?” he asked, but she didn’t answer for a long while.

“I just... It’s nothing,” she assured him, turning over in the bed. “Goodnight, Jess.”

“’Night, Rory,” he said, closing his eyes again and willing sleep to come.

It didn’t happen, it was never going to, not even when he heard Rory’s own breathing even out as she succumbed to over-tiredness. Laying in the dark, gazing up at her back as she slept, Jess started to feel more than a little creepy. That was when he picked himself up, blankets and all, and headed downstairs.

The couch wasn’t so bad. A taller man would’ve struggled to fit but he did okay and eventually, focusing on the most boring topics he could find hidden in the depths of his mind, he managed to sleep.

The next thing Jess knew, sunlight was peeking in through the blinds, striking him directly in the eyes. He shifted away from it and very nearly fell to the floor, catching himself just in time before the impact happened. He was on the couch because Rory was in his bed.

Sitting up, Jess ran a hand over his face and wondered, not for the first time, what the hell he had thought he was doing bringing Rory home with him like this. Sure, he could pass it off as being a good friend, getting a buddy out of a jam, maybe, if she was anyone else, or if he was anyone else. As it was, there was just no way.

A yell from upstairs snapped Jess out of a daze and he leapt from the couch, literally running to see what was happening. He found Rory and Matthew, stood six feet apart across the landing, staring at each other like they never saw another human being before.

“Jess,” said Matthew, glancing at him as he hit the top of the stairs. “You, uh... Oh, okay,” he said with a look of understanding that proved he didn’t understand at all. “Sorry about that. I’ll just...”

Matthew was back in his own room before Jess could open his mouth to explain. He glanced over at Rory just as she facepalmed, looking like she wished the floor would open up and swallow her whole.

“That probably could’ve gone better,” Jess noted.

“You think?” Rory echoed. “I’m guessing that was one of your business partner-slash-room-mate people,” she said then. “Who now thinks that I’m... what? Some easy girl you picked up at a bar?”

Jess stared at her wondering where she got that opinion of him, having a horrible feeling maybe Rory was pushing her current boyfriend’s habits onto him somehow.

“You think I do that a lot?” he asked, just a little concerned about what answer she was going to give.

To her credit, she looked almost as awkward and embarrassed about the idea now as Jess felt himself.

“Oh, no, I didn’t... I’m sorry,” she told him, pulling the blanket higher around her body. “I wasn’t... This is a weird situation,” she landed on eventually, looking back towards the bedroom door and presumably planning her escape, though it wasn’t much of one when it was Jess’ own room she was looking to hide in.

“Yeah, I guess so,” he agreed, taking pity on her. “You wanna get back in there, put on some real clothes while I make coffee?”

“Actually, I really, really need the bathroom,” Rory explained. “Kind of why I ventured out in the first place.”

“Right there,” Jess pointed to a door across the way

“Thanks.” Rory nodded once, managing a quick smile before she darted to the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

Jess let out a sigh not unlike relief when she was gone, running a hand over his face. He could go and make that coffee he was talking about, but he had one more stop to make before that. Going over to Matthew and Chris’ door, he tapped twice and then let himself in, since he already knew at least one of them was awake. As it turned out, they both were, and they were gossiping like school girls as he expected they would be.

“Matthew just told me the good news.” Chris grinned big. “It’s about time you put that pretty face and charming manner to some use, man.”

“And she is something,” Matthew said, smiling just as wide. “I mean, an eight, easy.”

Jess forced himself not to get mad. After all, the didn’t know who they were talking about. If they did, he knew for a fact they’d be more careful with their words and implications.

“That’s Rory,” he said sharply. “And, not that it’s any of your business, but I slept on the couch last night.”

Chris looked at Matthew who duly stared back at him, both of them clearly trying to process. Jess gave them all of ten seconds before he continued.

“Just so we’re all clear, she’s having some problems right now and needed to get out of Stars Hollow, so I brought her here. Like I said, I slept on the couch, she slept in my room. Any problems with that?”

“Dude, it’s your life,” said Chris, hands held up in mock surrender.

“Seriously though, you brought Rory here?” Matthew checked. “_The_ Rory? Turned you into a tortured soul Rory?”

Jess didn’t have an answer for that, all he could do was back out of the room and close the door again, ignoring his friends attempts to get him to stay and talk. The moment he turned around he found Rory stood there, having just got out of the bathroom apparently. What she had or hadn’t heard in the last two minutes was anyone’s guess. Jess had a feeling he’d rather not know.

“You okay?” he checked.

“Sure.” Rory nodded. “I’m gonna go and...” she said, gesturing towards his bedroom door.

“I’ll get that coffee,” he said, slipping past her and down the stairs. “You’re an idiot, Mariano,” he muttered himself before he ever reached the last step and heard his own bedroom door close from above.

* * *

Jess wasn’t sure whether he was waiting for Rory to come downstairs or whether he ought to go back to her. Given that he could hear the guys moving around in their rooms, he figured it was best if he took the coffee upstairs until he and Rory had a chance to talk. Probably better not to throw four strangers at her so soon when she was still emotionally fragile. Also, if she had heard what Matthew was saying before, they were going to need some damage control.

It was interesting trying to open the bedroom door with two mugs of hot coffee in his hand but Jess’ time working in the diner served him well and he made it. It occurred to him too late that maybe he should’ve knocked, even if it was his own room. He came in just as Rory was pulling her top down to meet her pants, her back facing the door so he didn’t see much. It was enough somehow.

“Sorry,” he muttered, looking away as she turned around.

“It’s your room,” she reminded him, shrugging her shoulders. “Thanks, for the coffee,” she added, grabbing one of the mugs from his hand and sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“No problem,” he assured her, grabbing the desk chair and wheeling it over.

There was no way in hell it was a good idea for them to both be on his bed at the same time, Jess knew that much. Instead, he sat on the chair in front of Rory, watching as she hugged her steaming mug of coffee with both hands, taking small sips until it had a chance to cool some. Without her hair and make-up done, she looked different to the night before, and yet never more beautiful to Jess. He wondered if she could ever be anything else in his eyes.

“Thank you, again,” she said suddenly, “for the coffee, but mostly, for bringing me here like this. I know it’s all pretty weird.”

“You needed some place to run to.” Jess shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, even though he was well aware that it was and knew Rory had to be feeling it too. “So, you wanna fill me in on the parts I didn’t hear yet?” he checked. “I mean, you don’t have to, but...”

“It only seems fair now you’ve been dragged into the middle of the drama.” Rory sighed, staring down into her coffee. “I wish I could explain it all. Very little of it makes much sense to even me anymore. I guess... well, I guess I should start from the last time we saw each other,” she said, glancing up at him then.

Jess shook his head. “It cannot have been screwed up that long.”

“Can’t it?” Rory checked, one eyebrow quirked. “You remember Dean was there that night at Yale? The night when you asked me to go away with you?”

“Yeah, not my finest hour.” Jess smiled painfully, looking away. “Like you were ever going to drop out of Yale and leave your home for me.”

“I thought about it,” Rory confessed, getting his attention back in a heartbeat. “A part of me so wanted to say yes, which is probably why I said no so many times,” she considered. “It was easier, you know? If I could convince you that it wasn’t what I wanted, maybe I could convince myself. I was so stupid,” she admitted, one tear streaking down her cheek that she hastily wiped away. “Maybe things would’ve been better if I had said yes. I might’ve been here a lot sooner,” she said, smiling in spite of the sadness in her eyes.

“I doubt we would’ve made it this far.” Jess shook his head. “I was an idiot back then, Rory.”

“And I wasn’t?” she countered, meeting his eyes. “You have no idea, Jess. Less than a week after that night, I... I slept with Dean.”

A knife seemed to stick in Jess’ chest at the sound of those words, even though he had no right to be hurt. He and Rory had been over for a year by then, and he had been the one to run out on her. She had every right to sleep with whoever she wanted and there had been Logan since then, at least, he assumed. Still, the thought of Forester getting his way with Rory, it made Jess feel sick.

“You got back together with him?” he asked, almost wishing he hadn’t the moment it was said.

“Kind of,” Rory confessed. “It was a little awkward since... well, he was married to Lindsay at the time.”

Jess felt his eyes get wider and tried to control it, but it didn’t come easy. Rory had to have noticed how shocked he looked as she continued on.

“You think that was bad? Keep listening. After Dean broke up with me, I started sleeping with Logan. No relationship, just sex, until I realised, I really wasn’t cut out to be a casual girl that way. He said he wanted to be my boyfriend, so I let him. It’s not that he’s ever cheated on me or anything. I wondered if he might but... it’s just not love. I wanted it to be, I even believed it was for a while, but it’s not.

“We don’t have that much in common. He likes to drink and party. I think maybe I thought that was how college life was supposed to be, so I did it all too, but it was just... I don’t even know what it was really. Then I was interning at his father’s paper, and do you know what the great Mitchum Huntzberger told me?” she asked, laughing painfully as she met Jess’ eyes. “I’m not cut out to be a journalist.”

“He said what?” asked Jess, shaken to the core by most things he had heard so far, but none so much as that revelation. “Is he mentally challenged?”

“I don’t think so.” Rory laughed some more, almost delirious from the seem of things. “I think _I_ might be. After he told me that, I dropped out of Yale. I fought with my mom about it and moved in with my grandparents. I stole a frickin’ yacht, Jess, do you know that? I went out drinking and partying every night, I joined the DAR, I... I’ve been wasting my life for months now, and there’s a very good chance that I have actually gone completely crazy.”

When the tears started flowing freely and her words broke into sobs, Jess quickly set both their coffee mugs on the dresser and moved to sit next to Rory, pulling her into his arms. She cried for a long time and he just held onto her, letting her get it all out of her system. It wasn’t the first time he saw her cry, but he really hoped it would be the last, especially like this. Her tears would always break his heart, no matter what they were for.

“I’m so sorry,” she said after a while, the words nothing but a muffled gurgle against his shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it,” he told her, kissing the top of her head before she finally moved and looked up at him. “I never liked this shirt much anyway.”

Rory smiled a shaky, watery smile as Jess pushed her hair back from her face. Even broken and lost, she was still the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his life, and it still took effort to remember that he wasn’t allowed to kiss her anymore, especially not now.

“Jess,” she said too softly. “I...”

It was as far as she got when suddenly her phone started ringing loudly in her purse. Jess shifted away so Rory could reach for it and she frowned hard when she saw who was calling.

“It’s my grandma,” she told him, sniffing hard. “I guess I should at least let her know I’m okay.”

Jess nodded his agreement, getting up and heading quickly for the exit to give her some privacy. He stopped with his hand on the door knob, reminding himself it was always better not to look back, before pressing forward and closing the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

Rory knew she couldn’t hide in Jess’ bedroom forever, though there was a part of her that would love to, crazy as that sounded. A couple of years ago when they were dating, she would daydream about spending lazy hours alone with Jess in some bedroom or other. They never actually got that far before he ran out on her, but there were times they came close. To think that the first time they slept together, it involved nothing but actual sleep, and even then, he had disappeared before she woke up this morning.

They put each other through a lot. Rory knew her mom would love to blame Jess for everything that went wrong in their relationship, but Lorelai had it all wrong. Rory played her part in screwing things up with Jess, just as she did in screwing up with Dean and Logan and Yale and journalism, just about everything in her life. Things with her grandma were certainly screwed up now too, Rory considered, gazing down at the cell phone still clutched in her hand.

“Can’t sit here forever, Gilmore,” she reminded herself then, reaching for her bag and hunting down a hair brush and some make up.

After making herself presentable enough to meet new people, she snuck out from Jess’ room and headed downstairs. She found the one person she knew with four others that she didn’t, and it seemed way more daunting than it ought to as she strolled into the open-plan office space to meet them all.

“Hey,” said Jess as he spotted her hovering there. “You okay?”

“I’ll live,” she said, nodding her head as her eyes flitted past Jess to the other four faces, only one of which she had seen very briefly before. “I’m guessing they already know who I am?”

“Kind of, yeah,” Jess told her, looking just about as awkward as she had ever seen him. “Uh, so, Rory Gilmore, this is Chris, Ryan, Josh, and I guess you already kinda met Matthew.”

“Hello,” she said, raising one hand in an almost-wave. “I’m so sorry to crash into your living space/business premises,” she apologised. “Wasn’t really a planned thing.”

“Hey, any friend of Jess is welcome at Truncheon,” Chris told her kindly. “Especially if she likes books.”

“I love books,” said Rory happily before noticing the looks passing between the guys.

She realised too late that Chris hadn’t been asking her a question. He clearly already knew certain things about her and, if she had to guess, Rory would presume that her liking literature was one of the least interesting things they had all been told.

“Wow, okay,” she muttered, turning away. “So, I should probably...” she gestured back up the stairs and was ready to run when Jess’ hand shot out and landed on her arm.

“You do not have to hide. You’re welcome here, I swear,” he promised her. “Besides, I’d kinda like the chance to get into my own room and put on some real clothes, if that’s cool,” he added, smirking hard as he glanced down at the sweats he had been sleeping in, plus his distinct lack of footwear also.

“Right, sorry about that,” she said, feeling her cheeks heat up. “You should go use your own room, access your own closet, do all of that stuff,” she rambled a little as she dropped back down the last two steps and moved out of the way.

“I’ll be fast,” Jess assured her, going up the first few stairs himself. “I promise, none of them bite,” he said of his friends and colleagues then. “They’re good guys.”

“I’m sure they are,” Rory agreed, nodding her head, though it was tough to keep the brave smile in place when he was gone up the stairs and out of sight.

“So, Rory,” said Josh, getting her attention. “You ever been to Philadelphia before?”

“Nope, first time for me,” she told him.

“Not much of a traveller?” asked Matthew, picking up a box of pastries from the counter and proffering it at her.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that.” Rory smiled, picking out and a cinnamon swirl and thanking him for it. “The summer after high school, I went backpacking around Europe with my mom. It was amazing.”

“Backpacking with your mom?” Chris checked.

“I can’t imagine spending a whole summer with my mom.” Ryan frowned. “And there is no way she would go backpacking anywhere.”

“My mom isn’t exactly like other moms,” Rory told them, though her smile soon began to fade as she thought about Lorelai too much.

Screwing up with boyfriends, even messing up her education and career plans, that was bad, but it was nothing compared to the rift that had developed between Rory and Lorelai. She could try and blame her mother for not being understanding enough, but Rory knew better than that. She had tried to tell herself she was in the right, about Dean, about Logan, about Yale, everything, but she wasn’t. She had been such a fool.

“Rory? You okay?” asked Matthew, frowning at her when she finally refocused her eyes. “You look kinda... wobbly. You need to sit or something?”

“Um, thanks,” she said, sinking into the chair he pulled out for her. “I’m sorry. Probably just hungry,” she told him, forcing a smile again as she took a big bite out of her pastry.

It was somewhat of a relief when Jess finally returned to the scene, now properly dressed and with shoes on his feet. The other guys seemed to take his arrival as their cue to go, Ryan and Josh heading down into the basement where the printing was apparently done, while Matthew disappeared to an adjoining office, muttering about having calls to make. Chris picked up his jacket and declared he had somewhere to be, though Rory suspected that he, much like all the rest, was just making excuses.

“I really shouldn’t be here,” she said, dumping her pastry down on a napkin at the edge of the desk. “I’m disrupting everything.”

“Hey, you’re fine,” Jess assured her, coming to crouch by her chair and take her hands into his own. “You feeling okay? You look pale.”

“That’s what Matthew said, hence the chair,” she said, heaving a huge sigh. “Jess what is wrong with me? What is wrong with my life?” she asked in earnest. “I really wish I knew what I was doing. My mom doesn’t want to talk to me, which means Luke can’t really talk to me. I don’t want to be with Logan, all my friends are pretty much his friends, except Paris, who has probably washed her hands of me too, and I just had a huge fight with my grandma.”

She was going to cry again, Rory couldn’t seem to help it. When Jess tugged on her hands, she looked back down at him and could barely make out his face through the tears in her eyes.

“Hey, I’m still here,” he told her. “And there is nothing wrong with you, Rory. Okay, so some stuff has gone sideways lately, it happens. If I’m not living proof that a person can turn things around when they want to, then who the hell is?”

Rory choked on a laugh that got mixed up with a sob then. She freed one hand from Jess’ grasp to wipe tears from her face and fought for composure.

“You have done amazing things with your life, Jess Mariano,” she told him honestly.

“And you will too,” he promised her. “It’s not like you missed your chance, Ror. You can fix things. I’ll help, any way I can.”

“You already did, you are,” she assured him. “Bringing me here, talking some sense into me, helping me believe my life is not a complete mess, it all helps. I guess the part that confuses me most is why. After everything, Jess, how can you still care this much about me?”

Rory wasn’t sure if she was really expecting him to answer that question or what kind of response she thought she might get if he did. It was so stupid, even suggesting that maybe he shouldn’t care about her anymore. After everything he put her through, Rory knew she still cared so much for Jess, she just didn’t know how to stop. What worked one way most likely worked the other, she supposed, though she wouldn’t exactly blame him if it didn’t.

“You’re one of the few people in the world that I can actually stand to be around for more than ten minutes,” said Jess too seriously as he met her eyes, “and you don’t hate me. If I let you go completely off the rails and ruin yourself, it’s going to have a negative impact on _my_ life. See, I’m really helping you for very selfish reasons.”

He played it so straight, anyone who didn’t know him might even have believed his deadpan expression and tone. Rory knew better. She knew him so very well and it made her want to laugh and cry all at the same time.

“Then I’m glad you’re that selfish,” she told him, failing miserable at being as serious as he was, or even at properly laughing at her own joke when further tears streamed down her face.

“Come on, Gilmore,” said Jess, reaching into a desk drawer and producing a box of tissue. “Get it together. ‘The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.’”

“I hope that’s true,” she told him, wiping under her eyes and blowing her nose too. “You know all I said to my grandma was that I needed a few days away. I didn’t yell, I didn’t accuse her of anything, I was so careful not to use ‘a tone’,” she said pointedly, “and it still turned into a fight.”

“Yeah, please don’t ask me to have an opinion on your grandmother,” said Jess, shaking his head and wincing at the very thought. “Pretty sure I wouldn’t come off well, not to mention the great Emily Gilmore herself. You tell her where you went?”

“You mean did I tell her I was with you?” said Rory, smiling a little as she caught him out and they both knew it. “No. I didn’t mention your name or Philadelphia specifically. I just said I was staying with a friend for a few days to clear my head. Before I get a chance to explain anything, I’m sure she’ll quiz Paris, Logan, anyone else she can find that will give her a good story.”

“Well, screw them, all of them,” said Jess firmly.

“Yeah, screw them,” Rory agreed, finding a more genuine smile just for him, though she sobered fast. “Oh, Jess, if only it were that simple.”

“It could be,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “You know you can stay here for as long as you want, it’s no problem.”

Rory squirmed more than a little in her seat. “Actually, I can’t,” she confessed, slowly tearing the tissue in her hands into tiny pieces. “I, uh, I can’t be out of Connecticut too long. You remember I told you about the, uh, the yacht stealing?”

“Hard to forget,” Jess told her simply.

“Yeah, well, the law isn’t so quick to let it fade from their memory either.” Rory sighed. “I got community service. I still have plenty of hours left to go, so I really can’t stay away too long.”

Jess blinked at her and then shook his head as if dazed. “Huh.”

“What?” Rory asked snippily. “I’m sorry I’m not the prim and proper Rory Gilmore you used to know. People change.”

“Hey, come on,” he said, hands held up in mock surrender as he got to his feet. “You know I’m not judging. Rory, you know this,” he insisted, when she looked unsure still.

“I know,” she eventually agreed, “but then explain the look and the meaningful ‘huh’,” she urged him. “I know you always had a good line in those, but that one seemed particularly significant.”

Jess smirked at that before answering her. “It’s nothing, I was just thinking how weird it is. I mean, a guy like me, no criminal record, and a girl like you, well-educated, raised way better than I was, at least until I got shipped off to Luke anyway. I don’t know, Rory Gilmore has a rap sheet. Kind of messes with my head.”

“Yeah, well,” said Rory. “It’s not like you were always an angel,” she reminded him. “You just never got caught is all.”

“That is true,” Jess agreed, hands stuffed in his pockets by now as he nodded his agreement. “So, how long can you stay?”

“Probably a few days, if that’s okay?” Rory checked, looking up at him.

“I already said it was,” he reminded her. “And we can talk about things or not, your choice, just... just don’t go thinking your life is over, Rory. It’s not. You can do anything you want, I still believe that,” he assured her.

Rory got to her feet, smiling genuinely once more as she put her arms around Jess and hugged him. He hugged her back and she revelled in the feeling of comfort that it brought her.

“Thank you, Jess,” she said softly near his ear. “I mean that.”

“You’re welcome, Rory.”


	4. Chapter 4

Time was a strange thing. Jess doubted he was the only one to notice, but that didn’t make it any the less true. There were days and weeks that seemed to drag forever, and others that passed in the blink of an eye, so fast he wondered if they existed at all. The oddest thing was when time managed to be fast and slow all at the same time, such had been the case the last three days while Rory was staying at Truncheon.

In some ways, it seemed like she had been there forever. Though there was some initial awkwardness with the guys, they were quickly won over by a combination of Rory’s charming personality, pretty smile, and ability to outdo them in a literary debate in two seconds flat. That and the fact she volunteered to go every single time someone said they needed a drink or a snack that had to be purchased from a nearby store. She even pitched in with some proofreading and editing when Chris felt like he was going crazy over a particularly wordy manuscript. She just fit in, like she had always been there, like she always would be. Jess so wished that were true.

“You know, you don’t have to go,” he told her, stood in the doorway of his own bedroom, watching her fold clothes into her bag.

“Honestly? I don’t really want to,” Rory admitted with a sigh, eyes never shifting from the task at hand. “The guys have been so great and I can really see the appeal of working at Truncheon. It’s a great place,” she said, finally glancing back at Jess.

“It’s not bad,” he agreed, smiling slightly. “So, why not stay?”

“Two words - community service,” she reminded him. “Besides, I only brought enough clothes for a few days, and I’m keeping you from your bed, and... well, there are a lot of things I need to figure out back home.”

Jess nodded that he understood, knowing arguing any further would do no good. The community service alone meant Rory had to get back, but the other things were important too. He had heard from Luke how bad the situation had gotten between Rory and Lorelai. If that could be mended then it should be. He and Rory had talked about that only a little, and he could understand why. It wasn’t as if Jess and Lorelai ever really saw eye to eye and Rory knew that best of anyone. That didn’t mean he didn’t encourage her to make things right with her mom if she could. He knew what they meant to each other. He knew how much Rory’s happiness depended on Lorelai and vice versa.

“That’s it,” said Rory then, pulling on the zipper to close up her bag with all her belongings stuffed inside. “Time to go,” she said, turning to fully face Jess.

He pushed off the wall and stood straight as she came towards him, hesitating from about two feet away. 

“I don’t really know where to start,” she admitted then. “Jess, when you came to Hartford to see me...” she trailed off, looking down at her own hands, fingers tying themselves together in knots as she tried to find the best way to say what she meant. “I thought I was doing okay before. I knew I was drifting a little, or maybe a lot, but it really didn’t hit me until you came along,” she told him, looking up to meet his gaze at last. “Every time you come back into my life, you shake things up, just like the first time,” she said, smiling fondly at him. “There was a time when I wasn’t so sure that was a good thing, but now I know for sure that it is. You’re a good friend, Jess Mariano. More than that, you’re... you’re what I need. I’m not explaining this well,” she realised, one hand pushing her hair back in some kind of nervous gesture before she tried again. “Somehow, despite the fact you never seemed to care what your future was going to be, you’ve walked such a great path. You’ve come so far, Jess, with the press and the book and everything. It’s amazing to me how you turned your life around. You told me a few days ago that you couldn’t have done it without me, but I know for certain that I never would’ve even gotten this far without you. My life was falling into pieces around me and I barely noticed, or maybe I did and I just wanted to pretend I didn’t, until you decided you weren’t going to let me,” she said, smiling in spite of how serious she was clearly trying to be.

Jess took pity on her. “You just needed a nudge in the right direction,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

“I needed someone to remind me who I really am,” she countered. “That’s what you did, Jess, and I can never thank you enough for that.”

“Pretty sure you just did.”

Her gratitude made him weirdly uncomfortable. It was bad enough with them the first time around, Jess so sure that he could never be worthy of someone like Rory, and everyone in Stars Hollow was quick to agree. Now, here she was, his saviour in a lot of ways, telling him he had pulled her back from the brink, right before she went on home to her mom and, despite what she had said that night in Hartford, presumably her boyfriend too.

Rory was smiling then, moving closer to wrap her arms around him in a hug that came with further thanks for all his help. Jess hugged her back, eyes closed, trying not to lose himself in a moment that may not be repeated for a long time, that would never be as it once was, he supposed. There was no going back, he was pretty sure on that, but that didn’t mean he didn’t wonder sometimes, didn’t hope, didn’t dream about it.

“You have no idea how much I wish you were coming home with me.” Rory sighed and stepped back, though her arms remained around his neck still, his hands at her waist more by necessity than design.

“You’ll do just fine without me,” he assured her.

“Maybe. I mean, you’ve done just fine for yourself. I meant what I said Jess, _The Subsect_ is so good. It’s so... you.”

“Yeah, well,” he said, eyes to the floor. “I meant what I said too. I couldn’t have done it without you,” he repeated, gaze returning to her own.

It was a mistake, he knew it the second their eyes met. That old familiar feeling came over him and it would’ve been oh so easy just to lean in closer and kiss those lips he knew so well. He never let himself get in a spot like this over the past few days, but here it was now, just waiting to be taken advantage of. Only Jess wasn’t that guy, the kind to take advantage, the type to make a move on some other guy’s girlfriend, even if that other guy was a dick.

“So, I should go,” said Rory, finally breaking the tension and the moment as she turned out of his arms and grabbed her bag.

Jess moved to open the door for her, letting her go first like a gentleman and following her downstairs. The guys all left what they were doing to come and say goodbye, and then Rory and Jess were outside on the street, him freezing his ass off because he forgot to put on a jacket, and her looking windswept and perfect in the cold Philadelphia air.

“So, I guess I’ll see you soon?” she said hopefully.

“I guess so.” Jess nodded his agreement, though he hadn’t a clue when their paths might cross next. “You know which bus you want?”

“All noted down,” she assured him, waving a piece of paper before placing it safely back into her pocket.

“I hope you get everything fixed.”

“I will, thanks to you,” she said, one more time, surprising Jess when she suddenly stepped in close and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. “Goodbye, Jess.”

“Goodbye, Rory,” he replied as she moved away and headed down the street without so much as a backward glance.

It felt no better to watch her walk away than it had to leave himself so many times. Whenever they parted, no matter the circumstances, a piece of his heart remained with Rory, and Jess would swear that piece was getting bigger and bigger, each and every time it happened. He was a fool to himself and yet he couldn’t help it. He just loved her and that was that.

* * *

Before she even made it onto the bus, Rory started questioning what she was doing. It was so tempting just to stay in Philly and pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist, but honestly, that would’ve been just as bad as the life she had been living the past few months. Hiding at her grandparents’ house, partying and drinking, blowing off Yale and her mother and the home she knew and loved. Rory had to do better, had to get her life back on track, and now she had that chance, thanks to Jess.

Finally on the bus, Rory put her hand into her bag and pulled out the thin black book that was already a new favourite. She had read it twice in the last few days and figured a third time couldn’t hurt. Settling back in her seat, she opened at page one, a smile on her lips before she had hardly read a word.

It passed the time quite nicely and she was in New York before she knew it. Unfortunately, before she ever made the connection that would take her all the way home, she was done with her reading.

“Had to be a short novel,” she grumbled, even as she smiled fondly at the book and pushed it carefully back into her bag.

A lack of reading material allowed her mind to wander, which wasn’t necessarily the best thing. Rory felt like she had thought and talked through her problems so much in the last few days, there ought to be nothing left to wonder on, and yet her mind crowded with too many decisions and choices.

She knew she needed to go back to Yale. More than that, she knew she needed to fix things with her mom if she possibly could. Some things were more complicated, like how to handle her grandparents, how she would get the rest of her stuff from their house, and finally, how she was going to deal with Logan.

The whole way from New York to Hartford, Rory’s mind was racing. It was late afternoon when she finally arrived and the travelling, as well as the over-thinking, had made her tired. A brief moment’s hesitation and she was hopping onto another bus, a local this time, and heading for Stars Hollow. Deliberately getting off at a stop a good half mile before town square where less people were likely to see her, she hurried to the house, checking over her shoulder the whole way. As far as Rory knew, nobody had spotted her as she arrived at the front door and knocked.

“Oh my God, Rory!” Lane gasped the moment she saw her. “Where have you been?” she asked, pulling her into a tight hug.

“Would you believe Philadelphia?”

“Philadelphia?” Lane echoed as they pulled apart and she bodily dragged Rory into the house, closing the door behind her. “Wait a second. Jess?”

“Jess.” Rory nodded her agreement. “You heard he came visiting?”

“I did, but I never thought... Wow, so you and Jess?”

“No, not the way you’re thinking,” said Rory definitely, dumping her bag down and sitting on the couch with her best friend. “Are the guys not around?”

“They’re both at work right now,” Lane assured her.

“Right. So, Jess came to visit and... well, first of all, he wrote a book.”

“Luke mentioned something about that. It was nice to see him get the chance to be a proud uncle for once.”

Rory smiled. “He has a lot to be proud of. Jess has really turned his life around, and suddenly he was back, and he was looking at me and my life. He made me look at those same things and I really, really did not like what I saw. Lane, I’m so sorry. I feel like I owe a hundred apologies right now, but I wanna start with you. I have not been a good friend lately and I am sorry about that.”

“It’s fine.” Lane shook her head. “You’ve been going through some stuff, with your mom, and Yale, and Mitchum Huntzberger and everything.”

“Yeah, things have gotten more than a little out of control,” Rory agreed. “But from here on out, it will be better. I have some kind of a plan... sort of,” she said, making a face. “The details are fuzzy, but there’s some structure to it. I know I definitely want to go back to Yale, if they’ll take me. It’ll be a lot of work to catch up even if they do, but I have to try.”

“That sounds like a good first step,” said Lane with a wide smile, her hand on Rory’s arm. “You look better, more like yourself. For a while there... I don’t know, you were kind of the un-Rory.”

“Well, I plan on being very Rory from now on,” she said, smiling back at her friend. “I want to be the person I was before, but better, stronger. Jess was very big on telling me there’s nothing I can’t achieve if I put my mind to it. He’s living proof it can be done.”

“So, what happens with your living situation?” asked Lane then. “I mean, you were at your grandparents’ place and then you were in Philadelphia. What now?”

“Actually, I was hoping that maybe I could crash here, just for tonight, and then... then, I really need to talk to my mom.”

Lane smiled ever wider. “You know you are always welcome here, but honestly, it just makes me so happy to hear you say you wanna work things out with Lorelai. She’s been so miserable without you.”

“I haven’t exactly been loving life without her either,” Rory admitted. “It was all so stupid, I don’t even know how I let it get this bad, with Mom, with my grandparents, with Yale, with Logan.”

“You’ve made a decision about Logan too? I mean, you said you and Jess weren’t together the way I thought but-”

“I don’t know,” Rory admitted, heaving a sigh. “Or maybe I do and it just scares me to death. I do know that Logan and me, we’re not right for each other. I know I said I loved him and I think maybe I did for a while, or maybe it was just the idea of him, I’m not sure. Whatever it was, it wasn’t healthy. I’ll talk to him too, make a clean break, it’s the only way.”

Tough conversations lie ahead, Rory was well aware of that, but when Lane continued to smile at her, then threw her arms around her for another hug, it all seemed possible somehow.

Rory couldn’t believe how disconnected she had become from those she loved most, it was just ridiculous. Now she had Lane, soon she hoped to have her mom and Luke, and somewhere at the end of the phone, she knew she had Jess, if she needed him. Things were definitely looking up.


	5. Chapter 5

“Truncheon Books,” said Jess as he answered the ringing phone, his eyes fixed on the computer screen still.

“Wow, excellent telephone voice. You should get Employee of the Month for that,” said the voice on the other end, a smile in her tone that made Jess’ heart skip in his chest.

“Rory. You should’ve called my cell,” he told her, glaring at both Chris and Matthew when he realised they were grinning at him like a pair of idiots.

“I tried. Four times actually, but it always goes to voicemail. I think your battery died again.”

Jess dutifully reached into his pocket for his cell and then sighed. “You’re right,” he admitted, tossing the phone onto his desk. “I’m still not used to having the stupid thing.”

“Okay, Grandpa.” Rory giggled in his ear.

Despite the supposed dig at him, Jess was happy enough to have Rory making jokes and laughing like she meant it. When he brought her to Philly, a couple of weeks ago, he spent much more time comforting her when she cried and talking her out of a deep funk than he ever did sharing jokes and laughing.

Rory had really needed a friend, a light to guide her out of the darkness even, though Jess found it strange that he was able to take that role for her. He helped to save her the way she had once saved him, and was proud to know he had done his best and maybe even made a difference.

“So, I just wanted to let you know that I’m all settled in back at Yale,” Rory explained, “with so much work to do, I may not be seeing the light of day for at least a couple of months.”

“And you couldn’t be happier,” said Jess without pause. “Come on, tell me you don’t love being back there, I dare you.”

“You know I’m happy, Jess,” she said easily, and it was true enough, he could hear it in every word she said. “Things are just so much better than they were. Who knew that in two short weeks everything could get fixed like this? Thank you so much for all your help. I mean that.”

“You’re still welcome,” he promised, turning his back on his friends as much as the phone cord would allow. “So, you did fix _everything_?” he checked, wincing at how obvious he thought he was being, and yet still half afraid that Rory wouldn’t take the question the way it was meant.

“I did,” she told him. “Like I said, I’m back at Yale, Paris has forgiven me for what she’s calling my bout of temporary insanity and so has Lane. Me and Mom... we talked it through, everything that needed to be said, every apology that had to be made. I think we might actually be stronger than ever.”

“That’s good. Should I ask about the grandparent situation?”

“You can. It’s okay. Grandma wasn’t exactly thrilled with how I handled things but Grandpa was so happy about me going back to Yale that it all evened out in the end, and obviously, anything I did wrong is somehow my mom’s fault anyway. Emily Gilmore logic, it’s always fun.”

“Unless you’re Lorelai Gilmore,” Jess noted. “Geez, your grandma makes my mom look reasonable, even sane.”

“We do have pretty wacky families, I guess.”

“Guess so.”

There was silence for a long beat, Jess trying to find the words to ask the question he most wanted the answer to, knowing he was never going to manage it. There was no way to say, ‘Did you break up with your boyfriend?’ that wasn’t going to sound like he wanted to take Huntzberger’s place in Rory’s life. There was a good reason for that, one that Jess knew Chris and Matthew were well aware of too. He was also sure they were listening to every word of this conversation and Jess cursed himself for not keeping his damn cell charged like he should.

“So, basically, I was just calling to let you know that. You know, that everything’s fixed,” Rory repeated. “Back in school, back at home, everybody getting along again. Well, except me and Logan obviously. That’s over.”

The epic firework display of joy that exploded in Jess’ head at the sound of those words was almost loud and sudden enough to completely throw him off balance. It was certainly enough to make him forget to speak for so long that Rory started to worry.

“Jess? You still there?”

“I am,” he promised. “Sorry, I, uh... There’s a lot going on here. You know how it is, all the work to do.”

“Right, of course,” Rory agreed easily. “I’ll let you get back to the grind and I’ll go tackle this pile of college reading, which by the way, is rarely as much fun as other reading. If you don’t hear from me in a couple of weeks, feel free to send out a search party because I may have been crushed under the weighty textbooks.”

“Just remember, ‘If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.’”

“The second I get a break in the school books, trust me, I’ll be right back to _The Subsect_ again,” she said with a smile he could just hear. “Bye, Jess.”

“Bye, Rory,” he replied in kind, turning back to his desk to hang up the phone.

He was only slightly startled to find both Chris and Matthew still staring at him with the same dumb grins on their faces from before.

“What?”

“So, how’s Rory doing?” asked Chris with something akin to genuine interest and concern.

“She’s fine,” Jess confirmed. “Fixed things with her mom, got back into Yale. She’s doing better,” he said, looking at his computer screen and clearing his throat as he got back to work.

At least, he would’ve got back to work, if he hadn’t been distracted by his friends still staring, still grinning. Matthew in particular seemed to have something he wanted to say. When Jess raised an eyebrow at him, he finally spilled.

“Come on, man. Did she dump the boyfriend already?”

“Shouldn’t you be braiding my hair when you ask me that?” Jess deadpanned, though he knew he wasn’t going to get any work done or any peace at all until he answered the question. “Yes, okay?” he said with a great heaving sigh like it was such an inconvenience to share. “Rory dumped Logan. You happy now?”

“I think the question is, are you happy now?” said Chris with a look.

“I’d be happy if you two shut the hell up so I can get some work done,” Jess snapped, fixing his eyes on the screen.

He at least pretended to ignore both Chris and Matthew as they mouthed words across the desks at each other and made accompanying hand gestures for a minute or two. Not long after, they settled down again and Jess fought to keep the smirk off his lips. Did it make him happy that Rory was done with Logan Huntzberger? Of course, it did. That guy was a real jerk and she was better off without him. Was there any other reason for him to be happy that Rory wasn’t dating anyone right now? Maybe, but that wasn’t something Jess was prepared to discuss, at least, not with the guys.

* * *

“Hey, Luke. It’s Jess.”

There was a momentary silence before his uncle reacted.

“Hello, nephew. You know I’ve been meaning to call you. I think we all owe you a pretty big thank you for what you did for Rory a couple of weeks ago.”

“I didn’t really do much,” Jess insisted, though it was hard to keep the smile off his face - he didn’t have to try so hard when he was up in his room, away from an audience. “She just needed a place to run to, that’s all.”

“Well, I’m glad she ran to you,” Luke told him definitely, “and surprising as it might sound, Lorelai was glad too.”

“Yeah, that I don’t believe,” Jess countered. “Lorelai never liked me. Sure, she was civil when I came visiting last time, but that was for your benefit, and probably only because she thought I was gonna be nowhere near her daughter.”

“You’re wrong, Jess,” Luke insisted. “I mean, sure, Lorelai was... she wasn’t your biggest fan for a while, and let’s be fair, you gave her good reasons to be wary at the start.”

“Point taken,” said Jess, nodding his head, even though Luke couldn’t see that.

“Anyway, she is grateful for what you did, whatever it was you said to put Rory back on the right path,” said Luke honestly. “Seeing those two torn apart... it was bad.”

“I can imagine. From Rory’s side alone, it was not fun to hear about. Those two need each other.”

“Everybody needs somebody.”

There was something about the way Luke said it, Jess had a feeling they weren’t just talking about Lorelai and Rory anymore. Jess sure had needed Luke for a while there, long before he ever realised quite how much. He still felt blessed to have his support these days, knowing he certainly hadn’t earned it when they first got landed with each other. At the same time, there was a kind of a sigh in the words that almost suggested it was Luke who needed somebody right now, though Jess couldn’t imagine why.

“Everything okay, Luke?” he asked carefully.

“Sure, everything’s... it’s good,” his uncle confirmed. “Didn’t we just cover that? Rory’s home, she’s happy, Lorelai’s happy too.”

“You’re not happy,” Jess countered. “Come on, I know you well enough by now, what’s up?”

There was another of those long pauses and Jess could just imagine Luke shifting in place, adjusting his hat with his free hand, and trying to find a way out of the awkward conversation he found himself in. Any second now, he would realise there wasn’t one and tell Jess everything, at least, he hoped so.

“I don’t know,” he said with a sigh. “It’s... it’s this kid, April. She showed up at the diner the other day and she said... she said something about a paternity test and finding her father. It was stupid, I mean, it sounds stupid, right?”

“Maybe,” Jess considered, sitting up straighter on his bed. “Luke, was this kid saying that you might be her father?”

“Like I said, it sounds stupid,” Luke repeated, “but she did this test and she told me about her mother and... I’m pretty sure it’s for real, Jess. I’m... I’m pretty sure I’m a father.”

This time the silence was on Jess’ end of the call, but he became aware of it pretty quickly and shook his head to bring himself out of the shock-induced daze.

“Wow, that’s... big,” he admitted. “You talk to Lorelai?”

“Are you kidding?” Luke asked immediately. “Come on, Jess, she just got Rory back in her life, things are finally going well, you think I can drop this on her now? Besides, you know how she and Rory feel about Rory’s dad. The guy is never there for them. I’ve been more of a father to Rory than Christopher Hayden ever has.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” Jess checked, feeling confused. “I mean, sure, he should’ve done more, but you already proved you know how to be a dad... and not just for Rory,” he said, the last part coming about a little rushed, though he hadn’t really meant for it to.

“Yeah, but what about April?” said Luke, pacing the floor by now, at least as far as the phone cord would allow, Jess was absolutely certain about that. “She’s twelve years old, Jess, twelve, and... and I’ve never been there for her. I’m Christopher Hayden. Worse, I’m... I’m Jimmy,” he said sadly.

Jess winced at that but didn’t break. “Luke, you are not Jimmy, okay? You can’t be the dad who ran out on his kid, because you didn’t even know you had a kid. If you had known, you would’ve been there. I know that. You hear me? I know.”

It probably all sounded a lot more harsh and angry than it should. Jess meant to pay a compliment when he told the truth that way, but he knew by the way his jaw hurt from clenching that he was screwing it up. As much as he and Jimmy found a way to get along, it still stung to know the guy upped and left him when he was a few hours old, but Jess knew what he said about Luke was true enough. There was no way in hell that Luke Danes would walk away from a kid that needed him, especially not one he fathered, not a chance.

“I’m sorry, Jess.” Luke sighed heavily one more time. “I shouldn’t be laying all this on you.”

“It’s fine,” Jess promised. “Come on, after everything you’ve done for me, I can do this for you. You need to talk, I’ll listen. You need advice, well, I don’t exactly know what to say except you really need to talk to Lorelai about this April kid. Also, maybe talk to the mom?”

“Yeah,” Luke agreed after a moment’s pause. “Yeah, I know you’re right.”

“First time for everything,” Jess quipped, smirking when he heard a chuckle from his uncle.

“You know, sometimes I think you might just be as smart as you think you are, nephew,” he told him. “Anyway, you called me. You need something?”

“Not really. Just checking in, like I promised I would.”

It was a half-truth really, since Jess had hoped to find out how Rory was doing from Luke’s perspective as much as anything else, but now didn’t seem like the time to ask for any more than he’d already shared. His uncle had enough going on with this new kid he had gained. Jess might just have to go to the source where Rory was concerned.

“She’s doing so much better, Jess,” said Luke then. “Rory, I mean,” he added by way of explanation, but Jess was already reeling from the way Luke seemed to have read his mind to bother to confirm he already knew that. “I know you wanna pretend like you didn’t do anything, but you really did. You put her back on track, Jess, Rory said so herself, and I’m grateful. We all are.”

Jess had no idea what he was supposed to say to that and it took a while before he managed to find any words at all for his uncle.

“So long as she’s doing okay,” he muttered eventually. “It’s cool to know she’s happy.”

“She’s happy,” Luke confirmed in return.

“Then that’s cool,” Jess replied.

It didn’t cover half of what he really meant or felt, but he was talking to the wrong person to let all that out right now. Maybe someday soon, when he was more certain about what her reply would be, he would tell the right person. Now just wasn’t the time.


	6. Chapter 6

“You cannot be reading that thing _again_.”

Rory’s eyes widened at the sound of his voice and then she dropped _The Subsect_ onto the counter, turning so suddenly on her stool she almost fell.

“Oh my God, Jess!” she yelled, throwing herself into his arms without a thought and hugging him tight.

It only occurred to Rory, as she saw over Jess’ shoulder quite how many other people were in the diner, that maybe she shouldn’t have been quite so enthusiastic, but somehow, she couldn’t help it.

“Good to see you, nephew,” said Luke as they pulled apart.

Rory looked between the guys and then shook her head.

“You knew he was coming?” she said, staring at Luke. “You didn’t tell me!”

“I asked him not to,” Jess cut in, pulling himself up on the next stool over and dumping his duffel on the floor. “I was hoping to surprise you.”

“You really did.” Rory grinned at him, retaking her seat.

“Good surprise?”

“Best surprise.”

Jess smiled back at her and Rory felt her heart skip in her chest. He was right there beside her, Jess Mariano, the guy who recently saved her from herself. Of course, he was so much more than just that, but it wasn’t a bad place to start.

Sitting together in the diner took Rory back four years in an instant, the first few days and weeks of her and Jess knowing each other, talking about books and music and movies, exchanging quotes no-one else knew, and looks no-one else was supposed to see.

“Rory?” Luke prompted, snapping her out of a daze. “Wow. I’ve never known you not react to an offer of pancakes before.”

“Sorry,” she said, feeling giddy yet. “Pancakes would be great, thanks.”

“Coming right up.”

Luke disappeared into the kitchen and Rory gave all her attention back to Jess. It wasn’t exactly a big ask.

“I still can’t believe you’re here, I thought you were busy.”

“Everybody needs a break sometimes.” Jess shrugged. “Besides some things are more important than work.”

The look that went with those words seemed significant, but then Rory had always found so many of Jess’ expressions to seem like they meant more than was obvious on the surface. There were times she was sure she was right, and others when he seemed happy to prove her wrong.

“So, how’s Yale? You all caught up?” he asked then, reaching for the soda Luke had put in front of him at some point.

“Pretty much,” Rory agreed. “It’s been a lot of hard work this past month, but yeah, I think I’m up to speed. Paris has been helping, in the way only Paris can.”

“So, basically yelling at you until you caught up?”

“Basically.”

They both laughed at that before a strange silence descended. They could always talk before, Rory knew it would be stupid if, after everything, they suddenly couldn’t, but things were very different now. Gone was the stupidity and clumsiness of the teenage years, as were any obstacles in the road, like other parties involved. It made Rory think too much about maybes and what-ifs, about the exact nature of her relationship with Jess these days.

“Pancakes,” said Luke, putting down plates of yummy goodness and forks to go along with. “You two enjoy. On me, okay?”

“Thanks, Luke,” said Jess, digging in with gusto.

“Yeah, thanks, Luke,” Rory echoed, forcing a smile as she too picked up her fork and took a bite.

“Damn, I forgot how good his food was. There are a lot of great things about Philadelphia, but no place but here has Luke’s Diner.”

“Tell me about it.” Rory sighed happily, enjoying her food just as much as Jess was. “The Yale cafeteria really suffers by comparison. Luke is in a class of his own.”

“No argument here,” Jess easily agreed.

With the two of them so stuck into their food, they didn’t need to talk at all, they couldn’t when their mouths were full. Just when Rory was getting to feel more comfortable about this whole situation, she suddenly realised how quiet the diner seemed to be. Their two forks on the two plates were pretty much the only sound she could hear. Jess must’ve noticed too, because suddenly he stopped eating and stared across at her. As one, they slowly turned, only to find every other customer watching them intently. A beat and then each person seemed to decide at the same moment to go back to their food and conversations, or at least to pretend that was what they were doing.

“Wow,” said Jess, letting his fork clang down onto his empty plate. “This place never changes.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Rory agreed. “Would you really want it to?”

Jess shrugged his shoulders. “Wouldn’t be Stars Hollow if it was normal,” he noted, drinking down the rest of his soda. “So, you wanna go someplace where maybe the whole town’s not watching our every move?”

“That sounds good.” Rory nodded easily. “Mom’s at work so... my house?”

“Sure, just let me dump this.”

Rory smiled as she watched Jess pick up his duffel and dart behind the curtain. She allowed herself a deep, steadying breath and tried to keep her heartbeat on an even keel. It was so strange, having Jess back in town. Though he visited several times in between then and now, her mind was so stuck on the time when he actually lived in the Hollow, specifically when the two of them were dating. It had ended badly, that was true, and even the good times came with plenty of less-good times attached, but there were happy memories to cling to, a warm feeling that always existed in Rory whenever she thought about her and Jess together.

That last word caught in her mind and wouldn’t dislodge itself. When Jess took her to Philadelphia, Rory’s relationship status with Logan was fairly undefined. It was why all those times that Jess looked like he might want to make some kind of move, she told herself she wouldn’t let it happen. Rory never really had to test that resolve, since Jess hadn’t even come close to kissing her, not once. She was ashamed of herself then for feeling disappointed, something she didn’t have to worry about anymore. Logan was very definitely in the exes column, where he belonged. Though that spot had played home to Jess too, at one time, she knew now, as he returned to her in the diner with that familiar smile on his lips, that it wasn’t where he belonged.

* * *

“I’m serious. Chris said Matthew was definitely calling for you in his sleep,” said Jess, though Rory still wasn’t sure she really believed him. “It’s fairly disturbing actually”. 

“It’s disturbing that your friend might find me attractive?” she checked, one eyebrow raised. “Wow, I am officially offended,” she said, sipping at her coffee, mostly to hide the smile trying to break through her overly-serious look.

“No, you’re not,” said Jess, shaking his head. “Come on, you know why it’s weird.”

Rory wished she hadn’t made the joke then, not when Jess started looking at her like that. They had steered around their own relationship pretty well the past few hours. When they first got to the Crap Shack, Rory had gone straight to the kitchen to put on the coffee machine for her and the tea kettle for Jess. They were soon settled in the living room with their hot drinks and snacks, talking over just about everything, from Truncheon to Yale, via books and movies, plus what was going on with Paris, Lane, the guys in Philly, and everyone and everything else. They laughed a lot and everything was so very familiar and good, perhaps better than it had ever been before. Now they were back in that grey area that was their feelings for each other. Rory wasn’t sure what to say, so she said nothing, focusing her eyes on the dregs of her latest cup of coffee.

“I’m sorry.”

She looked up when she heard Jess’ apology and frowned. “For what?”

“For... everything?” he said eventually, rubbing his hand across his forehead. “I don’t know, Rory. We can sit here and talk about everything else, literally everything, but you and me? That’s one subject we were never good at.”

“I guess that’s true,” she said with a sigh, unfolding her legs from the armchair and leaning over to put her near-empty cup on the coffee table by Jess’ own. “Jess, you and me... I don’t know why, but it always just feels so complicated, you know?”

“I know.”

He sounded so sad when he said it. Rory understood the feeling. It was sad. It was practically tragic. Two people who liked each other as much as they did, who got along so well and cared so much, it ought to have worked out. Unfortunately, in the beginning, she had someone else, he had trust issues, and the both of them together were just too young and too stupid.

By the time he realised his true feelings, she had lost her faith in him. Just when he had his head straight, her life was falling apart. Now, here they were, same place, same time, both in a better frame of mind and point in life, and yet.

“Rory...” Jess began, his hand reaching for hers, just barely making contact before the front door burst open.

“Oh my God, what a day!” Lorelai gasped. “Hey, Rory? You home, babe?”

“In here!” Rory yelled back, pulling her own hands very decidedly into her lap. “Also, not alone.”

Lorelai was in the room by now and could clearly see what she meant by that. Rory looked between her mom and Jess, knowing he was not expecting the next few minutes to go well at all. Maybe he hadn’t counted on a change in her mom’s opinion of him, but it seemed he was about to hear all about it.

“Of all the gin joints,” said Lorelai shaking her head.

“I was just leaving,” Jess assured her, getting to his feet, but the second he tried to go, Lorelai shifted further into his path.

“Not so fast, Mariano,” she told him, letting her bag of groceries and purse both drop to the ground and facing him head on. “I have something to say to you. Thank you,” she told him, shocking Jess to the core. “I’m serious, Jess, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.”

The next second, she had her arms around him, hugging him so tight, and Rory wasn’t sure whether to cry at how sweet it was or laugh at the highly amusing expression of shock-laced fear on Jess’ face. When Lorelai finally let him go, he still seemed pretty shaken.

“You’re welcome?” he tried, at which point Lorelai seemed to realise how much she had confused him.

“For Rory,” she said, by way of explanation. “Seriously, you know you were never my favourite person, Jess, and I could never, ever see a day when that would change but, man, when Rory came home and got back to Yale and fixed everything, and all because of you? Wow. I am just beyond grateful for that.”

“Just being a friend.” Jess shrugged, hands in his pockets, looking as awkward as Rory had ever seen him in her life. “Rory did all the hard work.”

“She did,” Lorelai agreed, smiling at her daughter then, “but you helped. You did good, kid, and I won’t forget that. I’m also pretty sure you’re at least part of the reason that Luke got his head straightened out on the whole magically appearing daughter thing, so thank you twice, I guess.”

Jess flinched a little. “You’re not gonna hug me again, are you?” he checked.

Lorelai smirked. “Only if you find some way to piss me off between here and the door.”

She reached down for her bags then and headed for the kitchen without another word. Rory watched Jess visibly relax in a big way the moment she was gone and couldn’t help but laugh.

“That was not funny,” he told her with a warning look.

“You should’ve been sitting here,” she said, still giggling. “It really was.”

Jess smirked, he couldn’t help it. “I guess it’s an improvement on her hating my guts,” he said in a whisper, glancing towards the kitchen where Lorelai could be heard crashing around at the cabinets. “Still, I should probably go before she comes back, just in case.”

Rory nodded in understanding, even though she didn’t want him to go. She got up from the chair and followed him, out of the front door onto the porch. They lingered by the steps facing each other, a moment far too reminiscent of the end of many a date in the old days. If only it were that simple.

“So, you’re staying a while, right?” she checked, watching Jess scuff his shoe against the ground. “For Thanksgiving?”

“I can’t be gone that long.” Jess shook his head, looking up with her with regret that she actually believed. “Sorry, Ror, but I have to be back in Philly, Monday night at the latest.”

“Oh, well, that’s okay,” she told him, wondering why her heart should be aching quite so much, knowing, if she was honest with herself, that it wasn’t really such a mystery. “I mean, I get it. You can’t hang around here babysitting me all the time.”

“That’s the role I have in your life now?” Jess checked, smirking just a little.

“I really hope not.”

Throwing caution to the wind, Rory stepped forward then, closed the space between them, her hands sliding behind Jess’ head as she pulled him into a kiss. She did this before once, at Sookie’s wedding, and her timing had been worse than lousy, given the circumstances. She wondered if Jess remembered that, but not for long, as he kissed her back the way only he could and Rory lost her hold on any and all coherent thought for a while.

“Hey, what do you know?” said Jess when they finally parted enough to breath, foreheads almost touching yet. “That part still works.”

“Apparently,” Rory agreed, fingers caught up in his hair still.

“You’re not about to run in the opposite direction, right?” he asked then, meeting her eyes.

Rory was momentarily stunned to realise he was thinking of the exact same thing that she had been, but then, that had often been the way with them, she realised.

“No running,” she promised. “How about you?”

Jess winced a little at the question and they both knew why, but he couldn’t exactly say she had no right to ask.

“Rory, I know I have made a mess of things with us, more times than I care to count, actually, but that day in the square when I told you I loved you? I was serious. Probably more serious than I’d ever been in my whole life.”

“If you’d just bothered to hang around a little longer...” said Rory, shaking her head.

“Would it really have made that much difference?” Jess checked, staring into her eyes.

Rory wasn’t sure she had a good answer to that. Sometimes she wondered what her life would’ve been, what she and Jess would’ve been, if he stayed the first time, the second time. If he had said he loved her sooner, or if she had confessed the same. If they slept together, if his dad hadn’t come looking for him. If there had been no Dean, no Logan.

“I guess we’ll never know,” she said eventually. “Maybe we’re not supposed to know.”

“Maybe,” Jess agreed, suddenly stepping back and letting his hands slide away from her body. “So, I should go, back to the diner, see if Luke needs help.”

“Just like old times.” Rory smiled a little, though she wasn’t convinced the expression came out right.

“Those old times weren’t all bad, right?” said Jess from the porch steps.

“They really weren’t,” she assured him, hugging herself. “Though, personally, I think the future has more potential than the past.”

That got a smile out of Jess, one Rory was happy to return. That familiar warmth was back in her chest now, even as she watched him walk away. He wasn’t going far. They had all weekend to figure something out and there was one thing to cling to that hadn’t existed between them in too long - hope.


	7. Chapter 7

Jess smiled as he wrote his name at the end of the email and immediately hit send. It was the one thing in his life he could just type out and let go of without the need for redrafts and edits, knowing that Rory wouldn’t judge, even if every misplaced comma and typed word would make her squirm. They finally seemed to be in a place where they could deal with each other as they were, warts and all, as the saying went, and not have to feel bad about anything.

Of course, their relationship remained largely undefined. Living so far apart didn’t exactly lend itself to a typical boyfriend-girlfriend situation and given their history, the two of them were not exactly eager to label whatever they really were. Still, whatever it was, it was working so far, and it felt good.

Jess leaned back in his desk chair and thought about his trip to Stars Hollow more than a month before, smile never wavering. It hadn’t exactly been a plan to make anything happen with Rory. Of course, it hadn’t not been a plan either. Mostly he just wanted to check in with her, make sure everything was okay, as well as ensure things were good with Luke too. Selfishly, Jess would admit that he also just really, really wanted to spend some time with Rory while he had the chance. That part had worked out pretty well.

Things had run less smooth just a week ago when Christmas rolled around. Rory had been so disappointed when Jess didn’t stay for Thanksgiving, she made him promise he would come home for the next holiday. He agreed, too easily, probably, and they sealed the deal with one last kiss before he got into his car and began the long drive back to Philly.

At least this time breaking his promise wasn’t Jess fault. The weather reports were so bad, with sub-zero temperatures and snow drifts and such, that Luke put his foot down and insisted Jess was absolutely forbidden to battle those conditions just for the sake of a family meal. All Rory got was a phone call and a new promise that, before too long, Jess would make a trip to the Hollow for her.

One week on, the weather might have improved, but somehow work got crazy, as he had just told Rory in his latest email. They were exceptionally impressive correspondents, writing each other just about every day, calling on weekends too. She told Jess all the news from Yale and Stars Hollow, he kept her up to date on Truncheon and the guys. They didn’t talk much about themselves. More specifically, they avoided the subject of what their relationship really was, at least, for now.

“Okay, that’s it, I’m done!” Matthew declared, shutting down his computer and backing the chair away from the desk with real determination. “It is New Year’s Eve and I’m calling it a day.”

“It’s three in the afternoon,” Chris pointed out. “You cannot be suggesting that we go out now? If you start drinking this early, you’ll never see midnight.”

“If he starts drinking now, he won’t see five-thirty.” Jess rolled his eyes and smirked. “Are you so sick of this year that you want the new one to come along even sooner than planned?” he asked Matthew then.

“I just think we’ve all worked enough for 2005,” his friend told him definitely. “Come on, this is our business. We are the boss. Shouldn’t that mean we can take off a little early if we want to?”

“Not if we want to make rent and pay the bills,” said Chris thoughtfully. “However, it is just a couple of hours, right?”

“Exactly,” Matthew agreed, grinning widely. “Besides, it’s not like Jess was doing much work anyway. He’s been emailing his girlfriend for at least an hour.”

Jess glared at him but didn’t deny it - how could he?

“Okay, fine,” Chris relented, shutting down his computer too and getting up to leave. “I’ll go grab Josh and Ryan,” he said, heading for the basement.

Jess shook his head and looked back at his computer, idly clicking the mouse.

“Are you seriously going to sit there and pretend to work while we all go out?” asked Matthew, one eyebrow raised.

“I’m not pretending, I have stuff to do,” Jess told him without looking up. “Besides, someone should be here, just in case anyone calls.” When Matthew scoffed, Jess finally bothered to glance at him. “Look, I’ll call you in a few hours, you can tell me which bar you’re currently slumped in, and I’ll come join you, okay? I can get to wherever you end up in plenty of time for the big event.”

Though he didn’t look entirely convinced, Matthew let the subject drop, running upstairs to change his shirt as the rest of the guys emerged from the basement and all went to clean up also. Jess didn’t even flinch. He wasn’t much of a hang out at the bar person at the best of times. It required being social and friendly, which didn’t always come easy to him. The verbal thing still had a tendency to come and go at times.

A half hour later, the guys were gone, leaving Jess to stare at his computer screen and keep the phone company, even though it was highly unlikely to ring. Maybe he should’ve gone out with the rest of them, even if he didn’t really want to exactly. It might’ve been better than sitting alone in the half-dark of the empty office by himself, wishing he was somewhere else. Never in his life did Jess think he would be daydreaming about being in Stars Hollow, but between Rory and Luke, plus the version of Lorelai that actually liked him and a new little cousin that seemed to think he was pretty cool too, Jess wouldn’t have minded so much being transported to that little Connecticut town right about now.

A buzzing sound startled him from quiet reverie and Jess nearly fell off the chair he had tipped almost too far back. His feet came back to the floor with an almighty thump and then he moved quickly to answer the intercom.

“Truncheon Books.”

“Special delivery for Jess Mariano.”

Even through the traffic noise in the background and the distinct shake in her voice that might’ve been from cold or nerves, there was no way Jess had to ask who was there. In seconds, he was at the open door, pulling Rory into his arms and kissing her like his life depended on it.

“Wow,” she gasped as they parted. “Now that is what I call a welcome,” she said, grinning wide.

“What are you doing here?” asked Jess, holding her face in his hands, her cheeks cold to his warm touch.

“If Mohammad won’t come to the mountain.” Rory shrugged. “I got bored of waiting for you to get back to Stars Hollow, busy man,” she explained, gripping onto his shirt with both hands, as if she worried he might disappear if she didn’t keep hold. “New Year suddenly seemed like it was only worth staying up for if I was with you.”

Jess smiled at her in genuine wonder. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He kissed her again, and again, and again. It was too tough to stop and Jess didn’t really see why he should, at least not until Rory pulled away and made it clear she had something else to say.

“So, I can stay, right?”

“As long as you want,” he promised immediately. “You know that.”

Rory smiled and moved in closer to resume their kissing. Jess didn’t care to stop her. All he had been dreaming about for weeks was Rory Gilmore, all he had wanted was to see her again, to know that what happened with them a month ago had been real. The way she was kissing him now, her arms wrapping tight around his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair, it certainly proved she wasn’t regretting the way things had been left between them. Undefined it may be, but it was nothing if not real, and just as passionate as it had always been, maybe even more so.

“Jess?” Rory said softly as his lips left hers and trailed down her neck. “Please tell me you’re not planning on sleeping on the couch tonight.”

It was just about the only thing she could’ve said that would stop him from continuing to indulge in the pleasure of kissing her. He pulled back to meet her eyes and found Rory looking plenty serious about what she just said. Jess wanted to be certain though. They had both screwed up too many times before to leave anything to chance or misguided assumption.

“Were you planning on seducing me, Miss Gilmore?” he asked her, a smirk pulling at his lips that he couldn’t help somehow.

“Actually,” she said, cheeks colouring and eyes dipping to the floor before she was even done speaking, “I was hoping you were going to seduce me.”

Jess finger beneath her chin brought her gaze back to his and he kissed her lips once more and smiled, proceeding to walk her towards the stairs.

“As you wish.”

* * *

“This isn’t exactly how I thought I’d be spending New Year’s,” Jess declared as he hopped back into bed, handing Rory a bottle of beer that she gratefully accepted.

“Are you complaining?” she asked with a mock glare.

“Are you kidding?” he countered, kissing her soundly. “Since no kind of take out is going to get here through the traffic, we’re living on chips, stale doughnuts, and generic beer,” he explained, dumping the food on the bed. “Upside is there’s plenty for at least four or five regular people, so you should have almost enough to eat if I starve myself.”

“Sometimes I wonder what I even see in you,” Rory teased him.

“Want a reminder?” he offered, putting both beers on the nightstand and playfully attacking her beneath the tangled sheets.

“Jess, come on,” she complained, though she was laughing the whole time and not exactly fighting to get away. “You know I need food.”

“Yes, I know you need food,” he admitted, relenting at last. “Geez, you Gilmores. If I don’t know by now how often you need to be fed.”

“Yeah, well, it’s your fault,” she told him definitely, grabbing for one of the oversized bags of chips and digging in with abandon. “You used up all my energy, and before you ask, no, I’m not complaining about that either,” she promised.

“Thank you,” Jess deadpanned as a smattering of chip crumbs coated his chest when she spoke.

Rory covered her mouth with her hand and giggled, apologising the moment she swallowed her mouthful. They both got caught up in eating for a while and Rory reached for the remote, flipping on the TV in the corner and honing in on Dick Clark’s usual show. There were still a few minutes to go until midnight.

“You texted the guys, right?” Rory checked then. “I mean, they were expecting you to go meet them at some bar before midnight and you’re not going to make it.”

“Yep, they know where I am,” Jess confirmed.

“_Exactly_ where you are?” she asked him, tilting her head back to see him.

“You mean did I tell them I was in bed with my girlfriend?” he said with a look. “No. That was way more information than they needed.”

Jess was focusing on the countdown on TV and almost missed the astonished look on Rory’s face. The fact that she kept on staring, open-mouthed no less, did eventually get his attention.

“What?” he checked.

“You said ‘girlfriend’,” she told him, smiling by now. “I never heard you use that word, ever. Not even when we were together before.”

“Yeah, well.” Jess rolled his eyes, trying to play it cool and already knowing he was failing. “I was a dumb punk kid back then. Things change in three years.”

“Some things.” Rory nodded. “And some things stay exactly the same,” she noted, moving up closer and abandoning the food in favour of giving all her attention to him. “Jess, I know this is so far from being a smart decision. You and me, the last time was such a disaster, and just about everything is against us again. When I’m at Yale and you’re here, we’re literally more than 100 miles apart. Neither one of us can move, I mean, maybe I could, eventually, but not until I’m done with school, which is at least another year and a half, and even then-”

Jess silenced her with a kiss, unable to hear anymore, unable to bear her being so damn perfect there in his bed, in his arms, filling up his heart the way she always did.

“I love you,” he told her as they parted. “You get that, right?”

“I get it,” she agreed, nodding slightly and smiling as he tucked her hair behind her ear. “I love you too, Jess.”

Jess didn’t think he could be any happier than when she showed up at his door today and asked him to seduce her, but to hear her say those words and know, deep in his soul, that she meant them, that was everything. For the first time in his life, Jess knew what euphoria really meant, what it actually was to experience a perfect moment.

“Then we’ll figure it out,” he said eventually. “Come on, we’ve got this far. The hardest parts have to be over at this point. We can make it work, Rory, I know we can.”

For a moment, he held his breath, almost afraid that her confidence in them just wouldn’t be as great as his own, that maybe she wouldn’t put her trust in what they had quite as freely as he would.

Then she smiled. “We can do this,” she agreed. “I don’t know how exactly, but we can. We will,” she said definitely.

They both seemed to move at the same time then, a kiss to seal the promise, as the countdown on the TV hit zero and 2006 began. Jess didn’t notice and doubted that Rory did either. The new beginning the rest of world was experiencing was nothing compared to their own. The fireworks in the night sky were nothing compared to what was between them. What they had was theirs alone, binding and infinite. They would accept nothing less.


	8. Chapter 8

_Eighteen months later_

“I was starting to think this day would never come.” Rory sighed, pulling the zipper shut on her suitcase.

“I knew it would,” said Lorelai from the bedroom doorway, “and as proud as I am, kid, I’ve been dreading it for a while now.”

Rory saw tears welling in her mother’s eyes and rushed to hug her. It would be so tough to drive on out of Stars Hollow, knowing she wasn’t coming back, at least not to live. Strange enough to be leaving Yale today, knowing she was all done with her formal education and ready to face the real word, but to be leaving home too, it was a huge step.

It wasn’t as if she was uncertain about what came next or worried at all about her future. Rory knew what she wanted and she was going to have it, down to the last detail. Nothing was ever perfect, she was smart enough to know that, but it was going to be damn close, she was sure.

“Look at you,” said Lorelai, her hand at Rory’s cheek as she smiled fondly at her. “My little girl, all grown up. How did that happen?”

“Hey, aren’t you the one who always told me I was never a little kid, that I was always just an adult in a smaller body?”

“Yeah, probably.” Lorelai grinned, even as she fought back a sniffle.

“Come on, you’re looking pretty adult yourself these days, Sadie,” Rory reminded her, grabbing her mom’s left hand and practically shoving it in her face.

There on her third finger, an engagement ring sparkled, next to a pretty gold band that declared she was Mrs Luke Danes.

“Sometimes I still get a surprise when I look down and see them there,” said Lorelai, shaking her head in wonder.

“After more than a year?” Rory checked.

“Yup, even after more than a year,” her mom agreed. “Time moves so fast, kid. Remember that and don’t waste a second.”

“I’ll try not to,” Rory promised, kissing her cheek. “Now, we need to get ready or Luke is going to be back here, yelling about the fact we’re not ready, even though we had all morning to get ready and he barely gets ten minutes because he had to go open up the diner and work for hours because he has no cover.”

“You make an excellent point.” Lorelai nodded once. “What time is Jess getting here?”

“Not sure. In time for the ceremony, I guess.”

Lorelai laughed loudly as she moved away from the door, causing Rory to need to chase after her and asked what had her so amused.

“Nothing.” Lorelai waved her hand. “It’s just I don’t think I ever imagined things turning out this way. Of all your boyfriends-”

“_All_ my boyfriends?” Rory cut in. “I had three, total. Not exactly an ‘all’ type number.”

“Anyway, out of those three, I never, not for one second, thought Jess Mariano would be the long-haul guy.”

“You thought it’d be Dean.”

“I thought it’d be a Dean-like guy,” Lorelai admitted after a long pause. “But you know, what? You were right. He wasn’t right for you. Don’t get me wrong, the first time around, I’m still not so sure Jess was either, and don’t even get me started on Logan Huntzberger.”

“Wasn’t going to,” Rory promised, rolling her eyes.

“But Jess? Man, that kid really turned his life around, and then he worked on helping you and Luke with turning your lives around. It frightens me to think how things could’ve gone if he hadn’t visited when he did, taken you to Philly, talked to Luke about April...”

“You don’t need to worry about that,” Rory reminded her. “We don’t have to think about ifs, buts, and maybes. It all worked out, Mom. It’s working out so well.”

Lorelai nodded her agreement to that and then hurried on upstairs to get ready for the graduation ceremony.

Rory watched her go then returned to her own room, sighing as she stared at her dress hanging on the closet door. She should get changed, and yet she found herself wandering around her room, that now had more of April’s stuff in it than her own. It made sense. Since Lorelai and Luke got married last summer, of course they were going to live together, and when April was with her dad, she needed to be in the same house too. Rory would always be welcome to come stay, she knew that and didn’t resent April or Luke or any of the changes that had happened here. It was just that her own life was supposed to be somewhere else now and Rory was ready for that.

* * *

Jess Mariano was not the partying type. When Luke had called and told him about the shindig the town wanted to throw for Rory, he would’ve loved to say he would skip the whole thing, but Jess knew he couldn’t. He had to be there to see his girlfriend graduate, and if that meant enduring a few hours amongst the crazy denizens of Stars Hollow afterwards, then so be it.

“How you doing, nephew?” asked his uncle, finding him in the corner of the Dragonfly Inn furthest from everybody else.

“I’m still here,” said Jess, smirking some and sipping his drink. “You?”

“Couldn’t be prouder if she was my own daughter,” he said, watching Rory get congratulated by yet more friends and neighbours. “You know, I love April, I really do, but Rory will always be... special.”

“Preaching to the converted,” said Jess, clinking his beer bottle against Luke’s own and drinking some more.

“So, everything good with the apartment? No problems there?”

“No problems, and thanks again, for the help.”

Luke shrugged off the remark like it was nothing. “I shifted a few boxes, put in a couple of bookshelves. No big deal.”

“And that envelope I found on one of those bookshelves you put in, I guess that was no big deal either, huh?” asked Jess, raising an eyebrow.

“I should really go save my wife from Kirk,” said Luke fast, rushing away without answering Jess’ question.

Typical Luke Danes style. Be the best, most generous guy, but take no thanks for it. Just walk away before anybody had a chance to notice maybe you did a nice thing. It wasn’t as if Jess could really blame him. He had the same bad habit, after all.

“Oh my God, I thought I was never going to escape!” Rory gasped as she finally made her way across the room to him. “I am in demand.”

“I noticed.” Jess nodded. “I was starting to think maybe you were going to change your mind, decide to stay here and be with your adoring public forever.”

“Now why would I need all of those people to adore me when I have you?” she asked, going into his arms and planting a kiss on his lips. “You know me, I love Stars Hollow, but I am really, really looking forward to living in our own place. Philadelphia is such a great city.”

“I heard they have good newspapers there,” Jess deadpanned. “Word is the editors have really great taste in journalists.”

“I heard that too,” Rory agreed, equally as straight-faced. “Also, excellent publishing houses and very talented authors.”

“Huh. I think maybe that one’s just an ugly rumour.”

Rory laughed and smacked him playfully in the shoulder. “You really cannot learn to take a compliment, can you?”

“You’ll probably teach me,” he countered, kissing her lips. “Still kind of blows my mind that this is real,” he admitted, hands at her waist holding her close as he met her eyes. “The last couple of years, it has not been easy, and now you’re finally free from school, you’re really going to be in Philadelphia.”

“Yes, I am,” Rory happily confirmed. “A real job, our own apartment. It’s going to be an amazing future, Jess, I just know it.”

He meant to tell her he was sure too, because he was. For maybe the first time in his life, Jess really felt like he could look at his future, knowing more or less where he was headed, and not be afraid of it.

The path ahead had been so dark and bleak for a while there in the teen years. Constantly worrying about how he would turn out, where he would end up. Things had started to change, piece by piece, so slowly he barely noticed at first. Luke, Rory, Lorelai, Jimmy, Liz, April. Stars Hollow, Venice Beach, New York, Philadelphia. A lot of dead-end jobs, then Truncheon Books, The Subsect, and another book since, with Rory stood beside him, telling him she always knew he could have this, be this.

“What?” she asked, alerting Jess to the fact he had been staring at her too long, not saying a word.

“You remember that day when you first asked me to take you to Philadelphia?”

“Could I ever forget?” Rory sighed. “You saved me that night.”

Jess shook his head. “You saved me long before, not that I really knew that was what you were doing at the time, but you did.”

“‘There’s someone in the world for everybody,’ that’s what they say, right?” Rory shrugged. “We’re each other’s someone. We need each other, Jess, or it just doesn’t work.”

Laughter erupted in the crowd behind them, startling both Rory and Jess enough that they jumped and turned at the same time to see what was going on. Miss Patty and Babette were holding court in one corner of the room, while a whole bunch of people took turns fussing over Lane and Zach’s kids in another. Lorelai must’ve turned up the music and was currently encouraging Luke to waltz her around the floor, while April stood on the side-lines, rolling her eyes like teens had a tendency to do, but smiling all the same. Everybody was here, everybody was having a good time, and it was wonderful to see.

“Come on, be honest,” said Jess, as Rory leaned into his side, her head on his shoulder. “You’re gonna miss this place.”

“Of course,” she agreed readily. “It’s the only home I’ve ever really known, but honestly? All things considered...” she said, picking her head up and meeting his eyes, “I’d rather be in Philadelphia,” she said with a smile, kissing him one more time.


End file.
